The Human Condition
by backinthebox
Summary: Post- episode 5x05. In the aftermath of Bo's disastrous birthday, Lauren tries to sort out her feelings and make sense of it all. Evony doesn't care... and yet.


Written in the aftermath of 5×05.

Characters belong to the owners of Lost Girl; I just play with them to make some sense of it all.

Enjoy.

* * *

"What an utterly depressing scene."

Lauren cringed at the intrusion, both for interrupting her introspection and the form in which it came. But instead of acknowledging the intruder, hoping against all reason that if she didn't acknowledge the person that they would go away, she kept her gaze focused on the glass of wine in her hand.

"Tell me this," Evony drawled as she entered Lauren's apartment, intent on not being ignored, striding towards the couch where the doctor sat with a glass of wine. "Did the succubus really turn into a human cat?"

Lauren glanced in her direction, and shook her head in bemusement. "How did you— Never mind. And why am I not surprised that you know where I live?"

"Why wouldn't I; for someone who's wanted by every powerful fae in the county you've done a terrible job of keeping a low profile." Evony noted, taking a seat beside Lauren on the couch. She mockingly pouted at Lauren. "Aww, is the poor human doctor drowning her sorrows while her… Are you actually in a relationship with the succubus these days?"

Lauren rolled her eyes. "I still don't have your serum, if that's what you're here for, Evony."

"What, I can't come by and check in on my doctor?" Evony asked. "I thought you're supposed to consult your physician if you don't feel well."

"Do you _not_ feel well?" Lauren asked, giving Evony a cursory glance of examination. "You look fine to me."

"Oh, honey, I know I do." Evony returned elegantly. "But I seem to have this pesky condition of _being human_ , which I would really like to be healed from."

"Is being human really that bad?"

"I was born gifted, Lauren. I was a superior being for longer than you've been alive. I've been through wars, the discovery and invention of much of the modern world, and the rise and fall of empires and kingdoms. And now I am relegated to…" Evony motioned to herself. " _This?_ " Before Lauren could counter with a rebuttal, Evony continued. "And don't start with the wonders of humanity, I would like to point out that just over a year ago, your major contribution to the fae species as a whole was turning that psychopath Taft fae."

"The research was there, I just—"

"Do you even know why the Ash put a curse on your girlfriend?" Evony questioned. "Or, forget about that ancient vegetable, why do you think did I make it a point to get you to join the Dark?"

Lauren sighed. "I'm sure you won't hesitate to tell me."

Evony rolled her eyes. "You're not just the succubus' human girlfriend, Lauren." She scoffed. "Your hospitality skills need work — you haven't even offered me a drink — but don't forget how much you've done, or what you've accomplished. Heck, don't forget for a single second you turned one of the most powerful fae in the world human."

Lauren rolled her eyes at the dig at her hospitality, and handed Evony the bottle of wine as she stood up to fetch her a glass.

Evony smiled to herself, pleased that she still had the ability to make people do her bidding, with even just the slightest of prompts. "Tell me, are you here wallowing alone on the succubus's birthday to hide from the streak of bad luck her birthday gift has been causing, to give serious thought to the reasons why three oracles gouged their own eyes out, or to provide that traitorous Valkyrie an opportunity to get her hands on the succubus?"

She didn't even need to glance over in Lauren's direction to know that the doctor had taken a considerable pause at the assertion.

"Tell me," Evony finally looked over her shoulder at Lauren, smiling when she saw Lauren assembling a cheese plate: the doctor was obtuse, and sometimes downright duplicitous, but the woman had a fine palate, and knew the right combination of cheese and wine. She regarded the blonde in a considering manner. "Honestly, Lauren, why aren't you off celebrating with the succubus? Another year older, shouldn't that be cause for celebration? She lived to see another year."

"She probably is." Lauren said flatly, returning to the table with an empty wine glass and the tray of assorted cheese.

"And why aren't you there?"

"I don't know." Lauren said honestly. "Maybe the fact that I don't really feel like celebrating."

"Oh, why?" Again with the mocking pout. "Because it reminds you that she can continue to celebrate birthdays and you probably won't live to see the age of fifty?"

Lauren, who was pouring wine into their glasses, gave her a dry look. "You're not very comforting."

"I don't try to be."

Lauren exhaled. "I don't know. Maybe? I guess."

"And with her pet human gone, you don't really get to commiserate with another human about the aging process." Evony surmised. She thought back on what she had said and shrugged nonchalantly. "And yet here we are."

"And yet," Lauren concurred.

Evony gazed thoughtfully at the blonde. She seemed to be weighing out her options, before finally asking, "Why did you do it?"

"I told you: I needed you to stop being a threat to Bo."

Evony waved her hand dismissively. "I don't mean that. And, honestly, I couldn't harm a hair on the succubus without Grandpa breathing down my neck." She rolled her eyes in exasperation at Trick's insistence to meddle. "I mean destroying the files you had when you worked with Taft."

Lauren looked away.

"I mean, think about it: it's everything you need to live happily ever after with a succubus girlfriend, if you turned yourself fae. You'd be hunted down at every turn and probably killed within the first five minutes of being fae, not to mention Granddaddy would probably have an aneurysm or two if his grandbaby fae insisted on staying with a science experiment, but you could have had a shot." Evony outlined. She looked at Lauren. "Why not take it?"

"Because I don't want to be fae."

"Of course you do."

"No, I don't."

"Sweetie, when you lie a kitten somewhere laughs to the point of death. Don't do that to the poor things."

"I like my humanity." Lauren insisted. "You might not think of it as much, but it matters to me."

"Because it's the only thing you've had for these past years." Evony returned. She paused, and laughed softly. "Well, your humanity and a girlfriend in a coma, but my point stands."

"It's not—"

"Besides, wouldn't the succubus prefer it if you're fae? A disgusting hybrid/mutant/fake-fae, but still fae." Evony pointed out. She paused. "Or… is that why you developed the de-faeing serum? To turn her human?"

"No." Lauren caught the former Morrigan's skeptical glance, and conceded. "Maybe. I don't know. I just know that you were a threat, and she has enough on her plate, and I wanted to take you out of the equation."

"There are easier ways to getting rid of me, you realize."

"I wouldn't have killed you, I'm a doctor."

"And I believe the oath includes a promise not to play God, and yet here we are." Evony sneered. "Don't pretend at humility, Lauren, it doesn't become you."

Lauren exhaled. "I didn't think it would work."

Evony balked. "So I was an experimental subject?" Her glare turned deadly. "And what if I had died, Lauren? What of your oath then?"

"You were going to get Bo killed!"

"And my life doesn't matter?" Evony demanded. "Did you read any of the prophecies regarding the unaligned? She could have brought hell on earth, she could have destroyed the world as we know it, and the important thing, according to the great and mighty Lauren Lewis, is that I don't have my henchmen kill her?"

"I–"

Evony threw her hands up. "This is how you become enslaved to a race of beings for years, Doctor Lewis. You're so short-sighted, with your focus so narrow, you don't stop to consider the greater realm of things." She huffed. "No wonder she's screwing the Valkyrie as we speak."

A silence descended upon them, Lauren reeling from the points Evony had just presented, and the former fae allowing full reign for her spiteful rage.

Finally, after a long pause, came the quiet confession. "I think I'm losing her."

"No surprise there." Evony snidely expressed.

"I just…" Lauren sighed. "I feel like she's not Bo anymore."

Evony glanced at the blonde, whose gaze was fixed on the liquid in her glass. "What are you talking about?"

"She's not…" Lauren sighed again. "You're right, I probably won't live to see the age of fifty. And by that time who knows what other dangers Bo would have had to face as champion." She shook her head. "I mean, look at what she's been through since discovering she was fae. Look at how far she's come, what she's accomplished."

"So?" Evony asked dryly.

"So she's not the girl who naïvely chose to be unaligned at the glass factory anymore." Lauren pointed out. "She's powerful… one could even argue she's one of the most powerful fae ever known — and the threats she'll face will only get bigger and more dangerous."

"And one Dark Fae leader out of the picture is going to help?"

"It couldn't hurt," Lauren admitted.

Evony took a long, considerable beat. "I don't get it."

Lauren glanced at her. "She believes in prophecy now. In fate, and destiny, and maybe she doesn't believe she has to adhere to them, but she believes in them."

"So?"

"So the Bo I fell in love with? All she wanted was to raise kids and live in a house with a white picket fence and live a life without the fae." Lauren said softly. She smiled wryly. "Safe to say that's not on her bucket list anymore."

"And in return you wanted to turn her human?"

"I wanted to give her the choice."

Evony shook her head in incredulity. "And you couldn't have used her as the subject of your experiment?"

"It would be pretty useless if she'd died, wouldn't you say?" Lauren shot back.

Evony settled a resentful glare at her. "And I watched Star Trek with you…"

"Look, I'm sorry, OK? But it's kind of hard to focus on fixing your… situation when I know you wouldn't hesitate to have me killed once I succeed."

"If I promise not to kill you, we're fine, then?" Evony retorted.

"It wouldn't hurt."

"Lauren, I would never kill you."

Lauren gave her a skeptical glance. "You put an ancient thing in a box in my clinic as a threat."

"So?"

"So you don't see the irony here?"

"Think of it as insurance."

Lauren rolled her eyes.

"Lauren, I won't kill you." Evony repeated. When she was once again on the receiving end of a skeptical gaze, she elaborated. "I would have you hunted down for the rest of your life, never giving you a moment's rest."

Lauren groaned.

"I would fulfill the very thing you dread, and throw threat after threat upon the succubus, and everyone that you love, including her human pet. And you will only be able to watch from afar, unable to do anything, for fear of your own life." Evony continued, her tone casual as if discussing the weather. "After all, why go for the kill when there's so much more fun to be had in prolonged torture."

"Not giving me much of an incentive."

Evony shook her head. "Fine. Please. I'm practically the laughingstock of the local fae community, I'll probably head to Europe to lick my wounds." She glanced at Lauren. "Or have someone lick them for me."

"And now I think you're trying to flirt with me."

"Well a girl needs to find her fun where she can." Evony replied. She leaned back, and eyed the closed laptop bag on a nearby chair. "Why can't you just whip up what you'd learned from your time with Taft and use that method?"

"Because I destroyed all those files, Evony."

"And I'm just supposed to ignore the fact that your memory is better than the average person's?" Evony returned. "Don't take me for a fool, Lauren, I might have made the mistake of trusting you but I never once thought you were far less intelligent than you pretend to be."

They once again fell silent, both women letting it sink in that despite their camaraderie and current relaxed state, they both were threats in their own rights, especially to each other.

The silence, once again, was broken by Lauren, who took a deep breath and turned her gaze on the older woman. "Bo failed her Dawning, didn't she?"

Evony laughed, the mirth in her voice clear, if not surprising. "The Dawning. That rite of passage isn't pass/fail, but neither is it…" She paused, trying to find the right term for what she wanted to say. "A no-win scenario…"

"The Kobayashi Maru?" Lauren offered, naming the Star Trek simulated test.

Evony nodded, but refused to say out loud such a geeky term. "But I suppose the great and wonderful Blood King failed to mention that, didn't he?"

"But those that have turned into underfae—"

"What you face in The Dawning are your greatest fears and insecurities, and some people can't stand it. We started calling them underfae because, really, what kind of fae are you if you couldn't deal with a few figurative and metaphorical slaps in the face?" Evony shrugged. "It's why it's preferred that one faces their Dawning alone, because having a Second, or a Hand, confuses their issues with your own."

"Dyson went with Bo."

"That mutt has an over-inflated sense of self that it was a pity when the Garuda killed the fairy instead of that puppy." Evony muttered. "And from what I understand, the succubus didn't so much pass or fail, as she once again cheated the system to her advantage." Off Lauren's troubled look, she explained, "The Leviathan is an acquaintance."

Lauren frowned.

"The Dawning is a rite of passage, but its true effects happen in what the fae does _after_. In the succubus's case, the outcome is entirely subjective. The wolf, for obvious reasons, would clearly state that she had passed. The bartender, probably the same. The disgraced and departed former Ash could argue to the contrary, and her human pet, despite her clear worship of the succubus, could opine either way. And you?" Evony smirked. "You dare to even ask the question. Is that any way to show your faith and loyalty to someone you claim to love?"

"Bo had clearer ideas on who she was before The Dawning." Lauren said quietly.

Evony tilted her head to the side. "Or you preferred who she was before The Dawning, and not so much the one after."

"That's not true." Lauren protested.

"I think it is." Evony answered. She straightened in her seat and focused her gaze upon the doctor. "She's no longer the long-lost succubus raised by human parents with a ten-year killing spree and chose to be unaligned with her human sidekick to fight for the rights of humans everywhere; she's the fae champion and Garuda slayer with a blood sage granddaddy, not to mention a kicked puppy and lovesick Valkyrie that come at her every beck and call. The succubus that came out of The Temple is still the same succubus that inspires misplaced loyalty from those closest to her, but she's changed to the point that her human pet found herself leaving. And _you're_ here wallowing on your own because you're not consequential anymore."

"That's—"

"Face it, doctor: you're just the human doormat she declares her undying love to whenever she feels you're about to bolt and run for freedom." Evony finished. She put down her glass of wine, and began to slow-clap in Lauren's direction. "I never thought much of martyrdom but you elevate it to a new and honestly unimpressive level."

"Are you done?" Lauren asked warily.

Evony shook her head in dull incredulity. "Why even stay, Lauren? If you feel this way, why not leave? You could have taken the check I gave you and used it to fund your escape. And I know you know how to forge identities — although your phase as Karen Beattie left much to be desired, I can admit to admire the Lauren Lewis creation — so why bother staying?"

Lauren sighed, and smiled weakly at the dark-haired woman. "Because I love her."

Evony rolled her eyes in exasperation, throwing her hands up in surrender even as she sank back against the couch.

"I know it doesn't seem like much, and so many of my actions make it seem otherwise, but I do." Lauren continued, ignoring the exaggerated dramatics of the woman beside her. "I love her, and even if I know I'm not what's best for her, and I'm not even sure if I'm who she wants anymore, I think of what it would be like, to not have her in my life, and…" her voice trailed off. She took a deep breath, and chuckled softly. "I know she loves me, and at this point I'm not sure who's more afraid of screwing up, her or me, and we've strained our relationship so much to the point of breaking so many times that most people would think we're better apart at this point, not to mention there's Dyson, and Tamsin, and her need to feed…" She smiled softly, before she gazed down at her wine wistfully. "And maybe I won't live for very much longer, but I would do anything I can to spend every minute of it with her in my life."

Evony shook her head at the blatant naiveté and idiocy of such a maudlin sentiment. "Because you love her."

Lauren nodded slowly. "Because I love her."

Evony took a long sip of her wine, studying the blonde.

She remembered suddenly the first time she had met the blond human doctor, the warring sentiment of being impressed at the doctor's skill and intelligence that she had found a cure that had been plaguing the different clans in the Congo, and her disdain at having to owe the Ash because of the skills and intelligence of a _human_ doctor. She had openly mocked the Light Fae for putting such faith and esteem upon a human, and not soon after had thought even less of the human doctor for falling for such an obvious ploy, that Dr. Lewis couldn't use her vast intellect to piece together a timeline that had started with her discovery of the fae, her girlfriend falling into a coma, and her subsequent slavery as a Hail Mary to save said girlfriend. When Evony had learned of the Ash's actions towards acquiring the human's fealty, she had wanted to expose the whole setup, just throw a wrench into their cozy working arrangement, except by then she had already tallied enough debt as a result of numerous medical consultations that she had traded them in for her silence. Through the years Evony, as The Morrigan and leader of the Dark Fae, had had to negotiate with the Ash when a rare illness struck someone in the Dark, because when her own medical team failed to find a response, the Light Fae's human doctor was almost always guaranteed to have an answer. It had been frustrating, to say the least, and what was a few free consultations to watching the Ash's human pet continue to sacrifice her life and well-being.

Then the succubus had come along, and everything had fallen into chaos, especially in regards to the human doctor. The Ash to whom she had pledged fealty had fallen into a coma, her girlfriend's curse was lifted, and she became a walking target to the fae. Evony had offered protection if Lauren joined the Dark, and paid for her confidence in the belief that self-preservation would take precedence over such a flimsy thing as love.

Love. The reason why Lauren Lewis lost years of her life as a slave to a race of beings that saw humans as food, because her girlfriend was cursed to coerce the blond doctor into swearing fealty. Love, the reason why she was repeatedly thrown into Light Fae dungeons, because she chose to help the unaligned succubus when it was clearly against orders. Love, which led to a broken heart and made her think joining a madman with an unlimited budget and an inferiority complex who wanted to become fae was a good idea, and making her Public Enemy Number One (okay, tagging her as the enemy of the fae had been Evony's doing, but the rest of it was true). Love, which made it so easy to manipulate the doctor into joining the Dark Fae as a means of protecting her, and by extension protecting the succubus.

Love. Which was why she stayed, why Lauren Lewis chose to remain at the succubus's side, even when all the odds were stacked against them.

Love, which was why Lauren Lewis stayed, even when the succubus couldn't figure out what exactly that meant.

Love, which was why Lauren Lewis sat alone in her apartment on the succubus's birthday, drowning her sorrows in wine, hoping to distance herself from a clusterfuck of a day, hoping to distract herself from the growing feeling that she was losing the succubus.

Love.

Evony had learned long ago that love was an emotion otherwise useless, except as a basis for leverage and manipulation.

She took another long drink from her glass of wine, finishing it, before she leaned forward to pick up the bottle and refilled it. She swirled the crimson liquid in her glass.

"And yet here we are."


End file.
